When I first looked at the book cover I thought ‘Oh wow, this looks a bit too sweet for me’ but I still bought it as it came recommended by one of my clients as a good and interesting read. This is now many years ago and I have since used ideas from this book with every couple that comes to work with me.
Summary
After many years of counselling, Dr. Chapman realized that individuals had different ways in which they showed love to another person and, for whatever reason, they are usually drawn to someone showing it in a different way. He came up with five basic categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
More in details
This book explains the different love languages (categories) in detail, how to discover your primary love language and talks about what happens through the different stages of a relationship.
Dr. Gary Chapman injects his explanations with many stories of people who attended his seminars and who, using the theory of ‘The Five Love Languages’, have changed the level of satisfaction in their relationship or marriage significantly.
I specifically liked his theory of the love tank and the idea that we pay with the currency of our primary love language whereby the account of the receiver might prefer another currency. He suggests also that couples play a game where one partner asks the other: ‘What could I do today that would make your love tank rise?’ By taking responsibility for your own needs and likes and stating what that would be you allow your partner to collect more and more ideas about how to make the most effective payments into your emotional love tank.
If you now are curious about which one your primary love language is: There is a test at the end of the book, both for him and for her.
About the author
Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor, speaker and author. He teaches his ‘Five Love Languages’ and speaks about marriage, family and relationship, throughout the States and also internationally. He has written over thirty books and created five video programs.
‘The Five Love Languages’ was published in 1992 and since then has been translated into more than forty different languages. This book has sold over five million copies making it a perennial New York Times bestseller.
Recommendation
More than the number of books sold is the effect this has had on so many couples I’ve been working with. This book is simple to read for both husband and wife and has practical tips on how to make your relationship more satisfying and happy. This is basic knowledge for any couple, married or not.
