The Love Languages Unofficial Survey

Lisa R. Parker

This is an unofficial survey I’ve used in family and community relationship courses. It’s a quick way of telling what love languages you prefer. You can also answer from your partner’s viewpoint and gain fresh understanding to augment your relationship. Don’t forget to get one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s books.

Try the survey:

Give yourself 2 points if it’s applicable always, 1 point if it’s applicable sometimes, and 0 points if it’s never applicable.


An unexpected present can keep me walking on air for days

I’d rather get a small, thoughtful gift than an extravagant compliment

I just love getting presents — or even freebies

I would rather get a reward than a standing ovation

Remembering birthdays and anniversaries is very important to me

I put a lot of effort and consideration into getting just the right gift for people I care about

I get a big buzz out of organising parties and special events for others

It has a big impact on me when someone goes to a lot of effort to make or find the perfect present for me

I keep trinkets because special people gave them to me or as mementos of special events

I find it very depressing when I don’t get presents at holidays and on my birthday

Score: / 20


I enjoy sharing hobbies or work projects with others

I like spending time with people-one on one or in a group

I get lonely if I can’t spend time with the people I care about

I enjoy working as part of a team

I’m a ‘people person’ – I like company

I enjoy getting together with people to play or watch sport

I feel hurt when others exclude me or don’t involve me in activities

I show people I care by being with them

I’m quite comfortable just to be with others in silence

In times of trouble, just being there is what matters

Score: / 20


A kind word can keep me going for a long time

Honesty is very important to me – but not ‘brutal’ honesty

When people criticise my best efforts I am wounded

I feel like “a million bucks” when I get sincere praise

I get a buzz out of motivating and encouraging people

I am quite sensitive to other people’s moods and feelings

I don’t mind doing things for others but it helps to hear a ‘thank you’ at the end

I like it when people compliment my achievements

I value praise and try to avoid criticism

I’d rather a standing ovation than an expensive present

Score: / 20


I appreciate it when others listen patiently and don’t interrupt me

I enjoy late-night gab sessions with my partner or close friends

I feel appreciated when others take time to understand my feelings

I get a buzz our of having my opinion or ideas valued

I like to understand what other people are thinking and feeling

I feel appreciated and enthusiastic when people want to hear about my stories

I’m interested in hearing other people’s stories

I enjoy it when other people come to me with their problems or I can be used as a ‘sounding board’

I like it when people listen to me sympathetically

I spend a lot of time chatting on the phone

Score: / 20


Actions speak louder than words

I like doing favours for people

I find it frustrating when people wait to be asked rather than noticing what needs to be done

True friends are the ones I know I can rely on for help in times of trouble

Getting assistance with the housework or on a project at work gives me a buzz

I feel significant and useful when I have done a really good job

I think punctuality and diligence are very important character traits

I appreciate it when people do things for that they don’t enjoy doing

I am goal orientated and like to do my best

I like it when others pitch in and help-especially without having to be asked

Score: / 20


A touch can speak volumes

A hug from a loved one can brighten the darkest day

I feel very hurt when people I care about pull away from me physically

I enjoy giving and receiving hugs, pats or playful nudges

I have a fairly close personal space

I think you can tell a lot about a person from their handshake

I dislike it when people I’m interacting with avoid eye contact

I get a buzz out of giving and receiving genuine smiles

I like rough housing with my friends and family

I enjoy giving and receiving massages

Score: / 20

Points totals:

Final Scores:

GIFTS = ___ points

QUALITY TIME = ___ points

PRAISE = ___ points

TALK = ___ points


TOUCH = ___ points

I acknowledge the work of Dr. Gary Chapman and also Mrs. Susan Smith in the development of this survey which I have customised and used in family and community development programs.

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